What I Learned from the Twilight Series

With the current twilight hype sweeping across the globe, one of our Ranters, sQ, was kind enough to enlighten us with what the Twilight series by Stephanie Meyer taught her. Here's what she had to say =p


- You can't hurt a werewolf without breaking your hand.
- People get islands as presents.
- Really pale people are secretly vampires.
- There is a difference between shape-shifters and werewolves.
- Hollywood never gets anything "mythical" right.
- It's healthy to ditch class every once in a while.
- If a fight happens to break out at your wedding between your vampire husband and your werewolf best friend, no one will even notice, so it's okay.
- When your sister in law wants your baby more than she should and is planning to keep it once you're dead, it's okay.
- If your boyfriend can't hear your thoughts, it means you're a shield.
- If your skin looks sparkly while in the sunlight you are automatically a vampire.
- If you see someone with really pale skin & totally black eyes...RUN!
- When in doubt as to what to name your child, mash up the names of your parents & in-laws together.
- DO NOT forget to pack your silky Victoria's Secret pajamas.
- Keep you window open, that hot guy you like might climb in and watch you sleep.
- When camping in a blizzard, bring a space heater or a werewolf.
- Don't be surprised when vampires pay for everything and anything like college tuition, car payments, house payment, etc.
- When you're being stalked and about to be kidnapped by random frat boys, don't worry, the hot guy you like is gonna save you.
- If stuck in a love triangle, have a child. That solves everything.
- A paper cut can end life as you know it.
- You can find the answer to anything on Google.
- When in danger of being killed, get a whole new identity, some fake documents and flee to Brazil.
- Adrenaline rushes are common.
- Blondes get mad when you put food in their hair.
- That beautiful boy in school is not being rude when he ignores you. He's being very polite and trying to resist your blood.
- If a large Native-American boy keeps insisting on baby-sitting your 2-year-old daughter, or attending her princess-themed birthday party... watch out.
- Vampires don't actually sleep in coffins or turn into bats.
- Your vampire boyfriend will love you even if you cheat on him with your werewolf best friend.
- Vampires dont get speeding tickets.
- Morphine does not dull the pain caused by vampire venom.
- Never go to the overpriced mechanic for car troubles...just seek out the nearest werewolf.
- It is always good to have a before and an after car.
- Having friends around the world will benefit you someday.
- Biology could be the perfect place to meet the love of your life.
- Thunderstorms really mean vampires are playing baseball.
- Fluorescence can make your eyes change colors.
- The correct answer to the question “HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN 17?” is always “A WHILE”.
- All werewolves, although living in a very cloudy city, have a dark tan, and long hair.
- It is polite to call your girlfriend a spidermonkey.
- It's perfectly ok to disappear for a few days and then come back and try to act normal.
- Its normal to booty dance on a bush outside a diner when the chief of police is inside.
- As long as your going to hell you might as well date publicly and wear sunglasses on a cloudy day.
- When your dad is cleaning his gun, you should tell him about the date you have with a vampire.
- The easiest way to piss of a mind reading vampire is by imagining his girlfriend naked.
- The perfect man is one who writes you a lullaby and then plays it on a grand piano.

p.s. all in good fun, don't kill me lol =)