The Necessity of Making Sense

A skittish kitten would only be skittish for so long. Twenty. Maybe thirty minutes. The point is that skittish kittens can be put to rest. Like you. And me. We are all, after all, kittens to be played along with.

So the ball is let out. Or is it the court? The ball it is. The ball is let out for the kitten to play and she presses her nose against the ball in a sort of random show of affection. Absurdly so. I figured she would have embraced the lethargy by now.

The great Oompa Loompas once said, umm, so I sort of forgot what he said, but I assure you it was quotable indeed. Then there was Humpty Dumpty and the King’s horses.

I hope you are aware that Humpty Dumpty was murdered during his fall to the ground. The king ordered it of course.

Take Michael Jackson for instance.

Or you know what. Let’s not. The last thing I need is another batch of conspiracy theories circling my brain.

The circular motion causes rabies. I assure you, it does. The incubation period takes longer in some people but for most of us it ranges from weeks to months. I don’t want to talk to you if you are rabid. Go find Stephen King and share your castle fantasies with him.

Have you ever thought about Hitler? No? Well let’s think about him together.

Still no?

I’m sorry; your opinion obviously doesn’t count. Because we will think about Hitler together.

Hitler was a misunderstood soul, a person of great dignity. He was cold hearted and tyrannical and he ordered the execution of people who weren’t even born by his time. Six million? He killed 14 million Jews! The history books are definitely on crack. Or maybe Henry VIII ordered their bonfire. That’s how great he was. The man was a legend surely. And don’t forget the tyrannical bastard with sociopathic tendencies part.

He was also able to shame Neo. The numerous attacks on him which he magically survived? That’s something we can learn from him.

And then there is that illiterate Lionheart guy who blogs about whatever his effing bored mind conjures up in the middle of the night. The one jailed for 18 months. Someone needs to get him a pet duck. Seriously.

It always ends with a difference between colours. Always have. Always will.

Makes sense? No?

Makes sense to me. And that is good enough.

Everybody Draw Mohammad Day

I’ve been hearing a lot about Molly Norris’ battle cry to not cave into death threats and fight for the basic rights of free speech and free drawing and whatever crap she feels elevates her above the ordinary human being. Molly, let’s just get one thing straight; this is a way for you to get some interesting material to work with right? I mean yes, let’s forget the atrocities your beloved country is heaping upon the rest of the world - let’s just put all that aside (I mean who cares about that anyway right?) - and focus on this man Muslims seem to hold so dear. I’m pretty sure this is how your mind works: I haven’t ever read the Quran, neither have I ever read a decent piece of literature about Prophet Muhammad, I most certainly wasn’t there when he was alive, but alright let’s draw him because hey, isn’t that what artists do? We shock and we lose our values within the process and we condemn organized religion and we smoke and we do hash but we’re cool, because we give food for thought you know.

Bullshit.

I am all for freedom of speech and expression. Trust me, I’m a writer. Writers don’t get things done by holding their feelings in. But please can someone explain to me when did the difference between spreading free speech and free hate become so blurred that now right is wrong and wrong is right?

For me, the only limit to free speech is the incitement to hate and this is exactly what people like Molly Norris and the creators of South Park series are doing. I feel sorry for the stupidity the human race seems to be abundantly gifted with; especially in the case of the Americans. Yes I’m being racist, you can’t stop me! It’s called free speech!

For those dolts who believe that free speech is either making fun of prisoner abuse in Abu Ghraib, or drawing cartoon figures of a person who couldn’t care less about you; I’m sorry to inform you but that isn’t free speech, it is just some innocuous muttering of a mind too hollow to grasp a semblance of truth. Or originality.

Most proponents of Draw Muhammad Day start off their tirades with well-rehearsed epigrams like, “freedom of speech is our right”, “we will not back down”, “religion is the root of all evil” and the classic, “they need to get over it”. My dear fellows, you are the last people to even mention the word freedom. Please don’t corrupt the word any more than it already has been.

They got it all wrong; Dawkins and his lot. Religion isn’t the problem at all. It’s the absence of religion.

That being said, let’s move on. Everybody, “Let’s Draw the World Trade Centre!”

Oops. I forgot. It doesn’t exist.